i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
