he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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