mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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