It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
