I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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