Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
