he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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