He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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