So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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