Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i believe in u and ur pee
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
