Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
