Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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