I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
