They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
