Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
