My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
