its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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