Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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