i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
