if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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