Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
oh god the rape fog is back!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
