I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Mom said you looked used
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize