Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
