Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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