3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
