you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
