your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Randomize
