I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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