ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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