I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
