Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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