Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize