why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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