i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
