did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
