i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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