lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
