Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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