3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
