Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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