I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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