Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
