it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She told me I should be a condom model.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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