I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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