My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
