My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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