broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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