Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he thought i was a dude.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
