so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
