Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
