I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
