She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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