So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Drunk is not a location!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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