Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
