Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
