i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He shit in the fireplace
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
