So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize