I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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