Dual....:-)
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
