so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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