So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
