just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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