Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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