I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
