I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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