Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dicks are not precious.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
