Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
