Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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