Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
