well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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